The Future of Brain Surgiosity

Posted: August 21, 2013 in Uncategorized

So I haven’t really worked out all the details, but I’ve been working on the following scene in a movie I’m considering making.

Scene: Al and Steve are standing around the water cooler discussing sports or something.  And then…

Al: Hey, did you hear about this new method of brain surgery.

Steve:  Um, nope.

Al: Yeah, they use this new robot.

Steve: Ok

Al: And it was invented by this smart business guy.

Steve: With no neuroscience background?

Al: He’s really smart.  And the whole thing is free.

Steve: I’m still getting over the “No neuroscience background” part…

Al: Well he has a a brain, so he know’s something about neurology.

Steve: I don’t think that’s how that works…

Al: And Gretchen Wiener’s dad called him “The Globe’s Brain Surgeon.”

Steve: Who’s that?

Al: Gretchen Weiner’s dad?

Steve: Yeah – he’s like a neurosurgeon or something?

Al: No, he’s the inventor of toaster strudel.

Steve: [pause]

Al:  But he’s really rich, and he donates money to charity so he knows what he’s talking about.

Steve: Ugh, whatever.  So is this robot brain surgery effective?

Al:  Yeah people love it for all the perfectly valid reasons I previously stated.

Steve: That’s really not what I asked.  How does it work?

Al: Well, the robot takes this long thing metal cylinder.

Steve: Ok.

Al: And it lines it up with the patients nose.

Steve: I don’t like where this is going, but continue.

Al: And then it inserts the rod through the nose and up into the brain, and just kind of, you know, swishes it around.

Steve:  Damn! So it’s a lobotomy machine?

Al: Oh God no.  This is a brain surgery robot.

Steve: But it’s a robot that performs a lobotomy.  It offers a service that we no longer do because of the harmful effects, and we have learned better means to help people with serious neurological or psychiatric conditions…

Al: But..

Steve: It takes us back decades in what we know to be proven and sound practices.  I mean if we look around the world, hell, in our own backyard, we know there are better ways to accomplish our goals…

Al: But…

Steve: But what?

Al: Did I mention the Gretchen Wiener’s thing?

End Scene

I think that Dr. Ian Malcom said it best: “Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should.”  Thanks Doc; rest in peace.

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