So I haven’t really worked out all the details, but I’ve been working on the following scene in a movie I’m considering making.
Scene: Al and Steve are standing around the water cooler discussing sports or something. And then…
Al: Hey, did you hear about this new method of brain surgery.
Steve: Um, nope.
Al: Yeah, they use this new robot.
Al: And it was invented by this smart business guy.
Steve: With no neuroscience background?
Al: He’s really smart. And the whole thing is free.
Steve: I’m still getting over the “No neuroscience background” part…
Al: Well he has a a brain, so he know’s something about neurology.
Steve: I don’t think that’s how that works…
Al: And Gretchen Wiener’s dad called him “The Globe’s Brain Surgeon.”
Steve: Who’s that?
Al: Gretchen Weiner’s dad?
Steve: Yeah – he’s like a neurosurgeon or something?
Al: No, he’s the inventor of toaster strudel.
Al: But he’s really rich, and he donates money to charity so he knows what he’s talking about.
Steve: Ugh, whatever. So is this robot brain surgery effective?
Al: Yeah people love it for all the perfectly valid reasons I previously stated.
Steve: That’s really not what I asked. How does it work?
Al: Well, the robot takes this long thing metal cylinder.
Al: And it lines it up with the patients nose.
Steve: I don’t like where this is going, but continue.
Al: And then it inserts the rod through the nose and up into the brain, and just kind of, you know, swishes it around.
Steve: Damn! So it’s a lobotomy machine?
Al: Oh God no. This is a brain surgery robot.
Steve: But it’s a robot that performs a lobotomy. It offers a service that we no longer do because of the harmful effects, and we have learned better means to help people with serious neurological or psychiatric conditions…
Steve: It takes us back decades in what we know to be proven and sound practices. I mean if we look around the world, hell, in our own backyard, we know there are better ways to accomplish our goals…
Steve: But what?
Al: Did I mention the Gretchen Wiener’s thing?
I think that Dr. Ian Malcom said it best: “Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should.” Thanks Doc; rest in peace.